Finding Calm in the Chaos

‘The quickest way to change the world is to like it the way it is’ - A R Ammons a poem called Old Geezer

Dear Reader,

In the Rest & Restoration meditation class last week we explored finding calm in the midst of chaos. It can be deceiving. I’m looking around the mess and chaos of my home and reflecting on how during the most challenging times of my life my outside world has appeared its most ordered. I was obsessed with a tidy, uncluttered, social media-ready level of minimalism, spaces, and timetables micromanaged to the millimeter. Internally a fiery furnace of disorder, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and chaos loomed like a pot of water simmering away with a lid on ready to spill over at any moment, creating more mess to clear up. There is a saying that cleanliness is close to Godliness, but my internal world was as close to a living hell as I could imagine.

Being able to be calm in this mess feels marvellous.

Chaos is inevitable and unavoidable and can take many forms, it can relate to how we feel inside, the chaos of others, our environments, or simply that junk draw that always seems to fill up despite the promise that this time, yes this time, the cables will be organised and not get tangled up with the other objects that don’t seem to have their own home.

It has taken years to finally sit in peace with my physical mess, probably linked to the time I’ve spent sitting in stillness meditating with and observing my internal mess, talking about it in therapy, and finally moving into a space of letting go of trying to control and fix everything and everyone.

Nothing is permanent. The dishes will always need doing. The chaos of my home is open for you all to see above and below. The beauty in the mess the picture above was taken in exactly the same space as the slideshow below, they’re both real and true but I know where the lens of my attention will be trained. Of course, I’d prefer it didn’t look like this, and it doesn’t all of the time but people dropping over for a cup of tea will be welcomed in and no apologies are made. ‘Clear a space for yourself on the sofa’ I’ll say ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea and we can chat about the important things’.

I know you’re dying to see physical evidence of what exactly I’m talking about. You can have a wee nosy now…